Memories of Regret
by Azalea Cruor
Summary: AU. Those words I realized near the end, I told you I'd tell it to you someday, right? But, you didn't wait for it. You were gone. Maybe I should've told you when I had the chance? Onesided? ShizuoxIzaya Disclaimed/I only own the account and plot


It was another day in Ikebukuro. A place where flying vending machines, gangs out in the open and just plain destruction was considered _normal_. People who weren't residents of the city wondered how normal people even live with their lives in that catastrophe.

_You just… get used to it, I guess._

* * *

There was something wrong; Shizuo knew it. He may not be the smartest people in the world, but he didn't get into Raijin Academy, now Raira, for nothing.

He first noticed it when the flea would stop his usual annoying laugh just to stop running and cough harshly instead. He would stop and ask the raven if he was alright but he would just get an angry remark accompanied by a deathly glare, something he wasn't used to receiving from the guy.

Then, Izaya would disappear from school, only to attend his classes like nothing happened. It annoyed Shizuo, so much that he just wanted to rip off a vending machine from the ground and toss it at the male. But, he couldn't… More like, he wouldn't.

Whenever the eccentric raven would insult the blonde, like usual, the latter would just glare at him and tell him to 'shut his trap'. Everyone in the vicinity who were bracing themselves for the battle cry and the start of the mouse and cat chase, were frozen on their spots; still processing the blonde's remark.

This, however, only fueled Izaya's hate for the teen [1]. He was getting more and _more_ unpredictable! Can't he have some fun before… No, that wasn't true. That was just a misinformation, a miscalculation on their part. And, it won't stop him from having fun with his beloved protozoan.

* * *

No one expected it. Not one even counted on it happening, sure many dreamed of it but it was something that was too _unthinkable_.

But, it was true. It was happening…

**Orihara Izaya** was _dying._

Word quickly spread; people were talking here and there. It wasn't long before it reached the ears of a certain blonde ex-bartender. He saw the signs but the fucking flea was so good at hiding it even after 8 years.

He tried to avoid going to the hospital, _his_ hospital. He didn't want to see him; he didn't want to know how bad his condition was. He tried to ignore the rumors, the stares he got from passersby but it was as if Valhalla [2] didn't agree with him.

Celty, knowing the feelings of both party, nagged the Shizuo each and every day until he finally decided to visit the damned informant. She knew of their buried feelings, the concern they have for the other party; they just didn't want to admit it. That… or they were scared. It's a frightening thought, after all.

Shizuo walked to the halls of the hospital, it was as blinding [3] and reeked of chemicals, just like the last time he went here. He walked slow and steady, not hurrying to his destination at all. He wanted to keep his journey there as slow as possible, maybe if he was slow enough he'll get past the visiting hours and would be kicked out even before he set foot in front of the accursed door.

But, today just didn't seem like his luck day. Here he was, standing in front of the room Celty mentioned as Izaya's. A loud beeping could be heard from inside, ragged breaths reaching his ears. Deciding to just get on with it, he pulled the door aside and entered the room.

Inside, there were machines surrounding the middle of the room, leaving only enough space for a chair to be positioned near the center. In the center was the bed, a deathly pale Izaya lying extremely vulnerable on it. IV hooks sticking from his hands, an oxygen mask to keep his steady but ragged breaths.

This wasn't the flea he knew. This wasn't the **Orihara Izaya**_ Heiwajima Shizuo _knew! He slowly dragged himself closer to the center, closer to this person. He sat on the chair facing the bed, the scraping sound it made waking up the sleeping information broker.

"Oh, hai, Shizu-chan."

His voice was scratchy but it was still the annoying voice he knew and loved. Wait, loved? He loved the fricking flea? Somehow, that statement brought out a tiny smile on his face.

"What're you smiling for, Shizu-chan? Happy that your rival is finally facing death? Hm?"

"No. That's nothing like it at all."

"Oh? Then, enlighten me, Shizu-chan. What brought a smile to your lips while facing your dying rival?"

"I just realized something."

A roll of ruby-colored eyes. "And?"

"Why should I tell you, flea?"

"Oh, come on, Shizu-chan!"

"Maybe I'll tell you someday."

A pout and a glare. Heh, he looks cute when mad. Really, why have I been ignoring these feeling all this time? Oh, right, I was _scared_. Yeah, I, **Heiwajima Shizuo**, was scared of thoroughly falling in love with an insane informant. Maybe I really am stupid, acknowledging these feelings of mine when he's close to dying.

It had been weeks since I started visiting Izaya regularly. Surprisingly, we had normal conversations; he wasn't as annoying as before, maybe because I've accepted these screwed up emotions? Nowadays, I'd notice less and less IVs hooked up on him. I never brought it up and just continued on my visit as usual since I thought it was a good thing.

But… It was until I visited him this week and saw his family there; crying and bawling their eyes out. The room was suddenly cramped with people I barely saw, there was a woman crying while hugging two girls, I presume it was the twins and the woman was Izaya's mom. Huh.

I turned to my side to see people I know. Shinra was hanging his head shamefully beside a motionless Celty, next to them was this blonde kid I knew as Izaya's "employee" who was clenching his hand rather tightly.

I walked towards them and Shinra, who was nudged slightly by Celty, looked to see me. I noticed that his eyes were obviously holding back tears as there were a few that were threatening to spill out.

"Hey, Shinra. What's going on?"

As I just pushed a bomb, the underground doctor's tears fell continuously. He shook his head and refused to answer, keeping his eyes away from mine. Celty's hands shook noticeably beside the doctor and that's when the thought I'd been refusing to believe the moment I walked in started to sink in.

He was **dead**.

My _rival_ died.

My loveleft.

_**Orihara Izaya was gone.**_

* * *

So… That wasn't too angsty, was it? It was written at 12:30AM in the morning, finished at 3:25AM, so maybe it's what made it too dark? LOL, no pun intended. This is loosely based off of Kokoro-Kiseki Shizaya video I found on Youtube titled _Kioku_. It made me cry the first time I saw it.

**This can also be considered as my previous story's prequel: **_A Clingy Blonde Sticking for 15 Years_

**[1] – **This was when they were still in Raijin.

**[2]** – Ehe. Get it? XD

**[3] – **Because the hospital's whiteness sometimes blinds me, doesn't it do the same to you?

_P.S.: If you have any questions regarding the story, you are welcome to send me a message. Hateful messages/reviews will be ignored but criticism is as welcome as compliments are._

**- Lea** -


End file.
